Personal Thought

To all the children out there, who are raised by single parent, we all know how it is like growing up without another parent.

I grow up without my father since early September 1998. I never knew what exactly happened or why, I only knew that he wouldn't be around anymore. I remember things were difficult for mother. She was young and both my brother and I were still small too. Brother is the smarter child and I am more playful. Even my relatives were more attentive towards him, and made me feel like I was actually adopted from the rubbish bin lol. Nevertheless, brother's academic achievements always inspire me to do well in my studies too.

Sometimes I think of my father and I'll play scenes in my head, just to recall his voice. I don't ever want to forget how he sounds like. Every girl wishes her father to be there for her and watch her grow, unfortunately we all cannot always have what we want. Sometimes I wonder how it would be like asking for advises from a father, having him to comfort his growing daughter. From what I know, a daughter is usually closer to the father compared to the mother. because opposites attract. I sure wish my father was still around and be here physically. I tend to feel that my family is incomplete because of his absence. Even now, after all these years, it pains me to think that I have to accept the fact that he is no longer around. 

I don't have many memories of him, so I treasure those moments very much and they are still clear in my mind. Oh, I remember someone asked about my family a few years ago, I shed tears without realizing it. I did not know until someone handed me a packet of tissue. Since then I know that it is something sensitive for me to talk about. I always keep a calm and smiling face when talking about him. I wish he didn't have to leave us. I wish he was here with us. My aunts always talk about how remarkable and significant he was when he was younger. I bet he would be an awesome father even when he got old. 

I wish he was around to see brother and I wearing our own square hat, walking on the stage and taking our scroll. I whispered, Pa, are you watching this? *heavy breathing* It feels heavy not seeing him in our family portraits.

-vivian-