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I acknowledge the facts that I have been feeling down, depressed and shitty for the past 2 months, yet I could go out and smile and crack jokes at people I see. For that, I know that I am strong. 

Crying for nights, wishing and waiting for something that may not come anymore have definitely make me feel so dehydrated. On most nights, I just can't sleep well. On most days, I just can't focus on anything. Things have become meaningless, as I have lost my will to live.

I have decided to try leaving the past. I know I am stronger than I think. I am strong but for how long? It's only been days since I cut my wrist and had serious suicidal thoughts. I want to try weighing myself on the positive side. I guess it won't be easy, and I just want to know when will this life phase be over. Faking smile is even more difficult now.

I am just thankful for the few individuals who see right through the fake smile and asked me what happened. Thank you for caring, but I am just unable to even say anything about what really happened.

I thought I won't cry today, but I am once again wrong.

I still wish to end life, but I am trying not to end it just yet..