Friends had told me to see a psychologist, counselor or a doctor for all that I had gone through since early August. I thought I needed help too, but just when I wanted to see a doctor, I was more stable in terms of my mental, psychology and emotion. Although my emotion wasn't stable most of the time, I ended up not seeing anyone until today.
These few months have been extremely rough and I constantly have poisonous thoughts. Shoutout to me for not harming myself until today, I am doing very well!
Or so I think.
There are days I cry for no apparent reason,
and there are also times I got triggered by songs because they bring back all the memories and give me flashbacks to the things that will never be the same again. I don't have a choice but to make peace with what had happened. I thought I'd accepted the past, but sometimes things show that I haven't really accepted it yet.
Anyway, it was only last night that I felt like there was a fork or knife scribbling freely on my chest. There was nothing but it felt so real and painful, that it was so difficult to breathe and I suffocated. I cried myself to sleep, and telling myself that things would be better when I wake up.
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